rest and rest some more
intentional vs forced rest and listening to my body's intelligence
When I started this publication, I had absolutely no intention of taking extended periods away from it, especially not *almost* four whole months… but, to quote John Lennon, “Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.”
Even though I had a giant list of things I wanted to publish, segmented for paid and free subscribers, life happened ~ in the best way possible.
I have some big life news coming up, but in the meantime, I wanted to reflect on what I’ve been spending time doing and how it’s been extremely tough for me but super beneficial in the long run.
Since the end of February, I’ve been doing nothing but resting.
I know I’ve written about rest before, but that was intentional rest, and this rest, though intentional in its own way, has been pretty forced.
It’s not the same as forced rest when you’re sick.
For example, when I had COVID last year, I was forced to rest because I couldn’t lift my head without my brain pounding like a drumline between my ears. This time, I’ve been forced to rest because I truly have no energy to give.
For a while, sleeping in every morning, throwing myself into work for a few hours just to take a long mid-day nap and be ready for bed two hours later, felt like a curse, but I’m learning every day that it’s truly been a blessing.
I KNOW I’m taking care of myself and listening to my body’s needs.
I’ve been forced to live out my Human Design type, a Generator, and say “no” to a lot of things simply because my energy is not there. I’ve had to say, “Let me get back to you,” a lot more now than ever before. I’ve had to cancel last minute so that I could rest up.
In a former life, the FOMO or the idea that someone would be disappointed in me canceling would’ve sent me spiraling, but now I KNOW that when my inner authority tells me something is a “no,” I don’t show up as my best self and I will spend too much time afterward trying to recoup. If I’m already running on empty, and needing to nap every few hours from doing the bare minimum, how will I ever recover from doing something that is physically and mentally engaging?
I’ve had to opt out of conversations where I’d normally feel like I needed to give my input to create a back-and-forth simply because I didn’t want to hold on to someone else’s energy and mistake it for my own.
This period of rest has challenged me to listen to and trust my body’s intelligence.
“Sleep in today…”
”Ask to move that appointment…”
”Eat that comfort meal you haven’t had in a decade to promote better rest…”
”Text them back tomorrow…”
”Lean on your partner for help…”
And because this forced rest has given some of my most repressed memories a chance to sneak to the surface, I’ve been seeking extra support from my therapist to help me create new thought patterns that allow me to put some of my old fears and anxieties to rest, too. (That in itself brings on a need for rest).
I am finally starting to feel a bit more “me” and even though I believe I’ll continue to be on the up and up, I am surrendering my plans and all of my timelines to the Universe. I can only control what I can control and, at this point, all I can really control is how I respond to the messages from my body and how I react to the world around me.
Thank you for sticking with me throughout my writing delays. I hope to deliver more very soon, as this is therapeutic for me, too!
All my love,
Adele
