Thoughts on Jealousy From a Recovering Scorpio
"Alexa, Play Mr. Brightside." How I'm combating jealousy as a Scorpio, my most natural state of being, and journal prompts for whenever you feel the sting of jealousy, too.
Lately, jealousy has been creeping in in many unexpected ways.
A flight to Croatia that I bookmarked a few months ago as wishful thinking finally got too high in price for me to even pretend I could afford it. Last week, I saw someone I follow on Instagram post that they were getting ready to catch that exact flight.
I felt a pang of resentment. I felt like that was MY flight! I am mixed with Croatian, that’s my ancestry I’m missing out on! Why didn’t I book it when I first felt the inspiration to?
The other day, I was with friends who have little children and while I absolutely LOVE being in their lives, I felt jealous over the fact that I’m just not “there” yet. I am not a mother, I am not pregnant, and I haven’t even been in the process of trying. It’s not possible for me to be there yet, so why the feeling that I’m missing out on something?
Even more recent than that, I saw someone launch something similar to what I’ve been dreaming up and talking about for well over a year. I felt jealous and a little discouraged in myself. How dare someone create something I have barely put in motion?!
You’ll have to cut me some slack about all of this, I am a recovering Scorpio, after all.
I have felt the sting of jealousy ever since I was a little child. I would get so upset that I didn’t have anything other people had that I would forget everything I did have.
Years of light work helped me to realize that this was just a natural part of my being, even though, to me, it was an ugly trait that cost me my happiness. I used to spiral into a state of insecurity and project that onto other people, telling myself how *I* deserved these things I haven’t worked toward. My ego would demand answers from the Universe or God about the timing.
“It’s out there for someone - why not ME?”
These recent pangs of jealousy could’ve led to the same self-destructive behavior.
But the work I’ve done on myself has led me to lean into what those feelings were really about.
I’m jealous that I’m not flying to Dubrovnik because my money situation is the leanest it’s been in a long time.
I’m jealous that I don’t have kids because I would like to have that common interest with this particular friend group.
I’m jealous about this offering launch because I didn’t put the work into the idea when I first had it.
And it’s OKAY that I feel like this. A lot of life has been happening around and *to* me while everyone else was planning and creating.
But, conversely, a lot of life has been happening FOR me.
I have been expanding, and although sometimes it may look like I am a few steps behind others, I am exactly where I need to be. My timing is just right.
And so now I start to look at these happenings for other people as the inspiration of what’s possible.
If I save up and plan accordingly, I CAN go to Croatia and witness my lineage at a time that is financially SAFE for me. Not where I will be thinking about what I have to pay off when I get home, or how I am going to afford an extra night there if one arises.
I will become a mother when and how I am meant to. I just started dating someone and the conversation around starting a family is occurring. It hadn’t been with the previous people I was seeing. The potentiality of having a child is more real than it’s ever been, so it will happen when it’s meant to.
As for the offering launch - I’m not going to rush to put something out the door if it doesn’t align with what I’m ready for. I am meeting with my mentor next week to discuss more of what I’m ready to offer and how I can go about doing so. I have to do what feels right for me because that’s where my energy truly ignites.
All of these have served as reminders that if someone else can do it, I can too. My cry to Universe is no longer out of frustration, it’s out of inspiration. My jealous tendencies have created a lightbulb of opportunity that switches on;
“It’s out there for someone, why NOT me?”
If someone else can do it, why would I feel like it’s impossible for me? So why NOT me, too?
I am posting this because I know that someone reading this has felt this in some type of way. I encourage you to explore what that jealousy is really about.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself whenever you’re feeling jealous. Journaling on these too can be a great way to let these thoughts flow out of you.
What am I jealous about?
What other emotions is this jealousy triggering? Where do I feel it in my body?
How is my jealousy serving me at the moment?
What is my jealousy leading me to believe about myself? Are those thoughts true?
What would I like to believe about myself?
How can I reframe my jealousy to serve as motivation for what is possible for myself?
How can I show myself more compassion in moments of jealousy?
What are 5 things I am grateful for at this moment?
All my love,
Adele
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