this, or something greater.

after my last entry, i received numerous calls and texts from family and friends eager to help out.

let me tell you, dear reader, i was extremely embarrassed to post something so personal.

the truth is, the house we were living in since 2023 sucked us dry.

we had dreams of travel, dinner gatherings at our home, and the very least, the ability to buy things like new clothes or going out to dinner.

those dreams never really came to fruition, but we pushed through thinking “it has to get better than this.’

but then my completely paid off car died two weeks before my due date.

we worked extremely hard to make car payments and our bills so that we weren’t without basic human needs during sonny’s first months of life.

i had to return to work six weeks postpartum and give up my attempts at breastfeeding — and eventually giving up pumping when my workload and dealing with a postpartum OCD diagnosis became too much.

fortunately, sonny has always been taken care of. we had always been able to afford formula and eventually groceries when he started solids. plus, our family and friends have made sure he is styling with an abundance of clothes in all sizes. we love you all.

still, joe and i were drained. there was not enough money after our monthly rent, included utilities, and other bills like insurance, phone and internet, etc. before i accepted a full time role this year, i also had to pay health insurance.

it was a lot and i ran through my credit quickly.

we had a strict budget to get us ahead and the surprise of each month’s utility bills set us back every. single. time.

we kept looking for places but so many factors held us back: our lease was up a week after my due date, a short-term lease was unaffordable, we couldn’t afford the lease buyout, we had a newborn, and finally, we just didn’t have the finances to move.

i had to make a really difficult choice for us.

one that will ride on my background checks for years. but immediately, i felt relief upon judgement.

we were finally getting out of our lease.

we continued to look for homes. the homes that were rundown, soaked in cat urine, or came with the same safety concerns as our current place or wanted an insanely high deposit all wanted us, but the homes that we would’ve felt comfortable and “safe” wanted nothing to do with us. the fact of the matter is, we were not desirable candidates.

all we needed was someone to take a chance on us.

the month of july started winding down - we had to be out in less than two weeks. we made plans to stay with joe’s family in ohio - 3.5 hours away - until we could find a place.

i made my post the other week simply to air what has been haunting my brain.

that following sunday, we went to church.

now, i grew up a practicing catholic, but once i was on my own as an adult, i decided to stop going to church. i just didn’t feel like i was getting anything from it. truth be told, i hit a point where i just wasn’t sure there was something to believe in.

i started my spiritual practice a few years ago and directed my manifestations to the universe.

when i met joe, he was lutheran and was interested in us going to church together. i remember telling him that when i had children, i wanted them to go to church. i felt (and still do) that religion is important in a child’s upbringing because it creates intelligent, well-rounded individuals. i wanted my future children to understand that there is something greater than ourselves out there. that questioning different faiths and having conversations around it opens so many doors and brings them closer to self-fulfillment and enlightenment.

in the last few months, we started going to a lutheran church and bringing sonny with us. the first time we attended mass, we sang a hymn that my mom used to love — a sign from a greater power that i was exactly where i was supposed to be.

during the sermon last sunday, our pastor (who is young and extremely down to earth), asked us what do we call “god” when we talk to him.

• “teacher!”

• “father!”

• “holy spirit!”

• “creator!”

the names kept flying and it made me realize, no matter what name you call him, when you’re meditating and praying, you’re talking to god.

the pastor asked us what do we pray or meditate about (and he specifically said meditate which i greatly appreciated). “gratitude,” “peace,” and so many great answers were called out, but the main reason we pray is to ask god for something.

the reading, “keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. keep on seeking, and you will find. keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.”

i thought, this is exactly what i’ve practiced since i started my spiritual journey. ask the universe for what you want, believe that it is yours, and it will come to you… or something greater.

this. or something greater.

i again felt this overwhelming wave of relief, that i was exactly where i was meant to be. sitting in this pew with joe and my son. no longer freaking out about my living situation. i would ask for what i wanted and i would receive it — or something greater. i had this feeling that what we wanted, a new place, was closer than i had imagined.

as soon as we got in the car, i pulled up the zillow app. the first home shown to me was beautiful and had just been listed. i read the rental requirements and reached out. the owner responded instantly and asked to fill out a form. after reading through it, i knew we wouldn’t be a fit. the second i’d put our info on there, we’d likely get rejected. i paused my search for the day.

we got home and i packed up my office. i snapped a pic and posted it to my close friend’s story.

i had a bunch of messages asking where i was going. every response i gave was, “i’m not sure!”

i kept saying, “i feel that something will come through in the eleventh hour.”

and then one of my friends said, “funny story — i was just with a friend on friday who got a new job out of town and they are looking for someone to rent their house to.”

she sent me the listing. it was the one i looked at and reached out to immediately after church. i had met her friend a few times before! she said she would put in a good word for me.

i messaged them and told them our story.

i got a message back basically saying, “i’d love to rent to someone i know who would take care of the property.”

there were still some caveats. they had others interested in the home - i couldn’t blame other applicants. the house was perfect. but we toured the home, explained our financial situation, gave our references, and then we waited.

we continued to pack for ohio and moving life forward the way we planned, but i still had faith that it would pull through.

and by an act of god and serendipitous divine timing… we got the house. we move in a few weeks.

we literally knocked on the door and it opened for us.

i am still going through a wave of emotions. gratitude, being the top one.

my baby gets a cozy home. my finances can get back on track. we get to keep our life in pittsburgh and continue to grow as a family.

i asked god for a roof over our heads and i received something greater than i could have ever anticipated.

once i let go and put it all in the universe’s hands and kept my faith, it all lined up. the sermon. the eleventh hour. the home. the chance we needed.

what i’ve learned and what i want to share from this experience is that sometimes the hardest choice is the right one. take comfort in knowing your prayers are heard and that the universe, god, is working in your favor. ask, ask, ask — and you shall receive.

this, or something greater.