Standing in Your Sexual Sovereignty
Chatting about sovereignty and how it beautifully intertwines with sexual wellness. Ruling your world from the inside out.
CW: Some sexual abuse
Sovereignty. Freedom from external control. The power one has to control itself.
We are all sovereign beings. Our bodies are ours. Our thoughts, feelings, dreams, challenges, and talents all belong to our likeness. Your life belongs to you. My life belongs to me. You are the queen or king of you. I am the queen and king of me. We are sovereign.
No one else experiences the world the way you do. How you interpret the world, mind, heart, and connection to the world are all unique to you.
If you know who you are and feel happy, creative, and fulfilled every day, then you are living a sovereign life.
Some of us are living half in sovereignty and half out. Most of us are not living in our sovereignty at all. Most of us are not living in alignment with our soul’s purposes. But, alas, our purpose is not what this post is about.
I said my content this month is about sexual wellness. What does “SEX” have to do with sovereignty?
Sex is sacred. Cosmically speaking, sacred sexuality connects us to the divine; it is a complete connection of mind, body, and spirit. When I talk about sex, I’m not talking about quick, animalistic-style, “hurry up and get it done” sex. I’m talking about intuitive, intimate, and sometimes tantric sex.
In my opinion, sex is an incredible place to start understanding how to practice our sovereignty.
If sovereignty is being free from external control, then sexual sovereignty for oneself should mean that we have full ownership of our body and our sexual and physical boundaries.
Sexual sovereignty is a challenging but powerful topic to get on. I know many women have had times when their sexual sovereignty was stripped away without their permission. I personally have been a victim of sexual abuse, and those lingering traumas changed how I looked at sex and my worth for a very long time.
I did not know how to set boundaries around sex. I also wasn’t listening to my intuition, often telling me to say “no” to behavior choices and partners. I remember having a partner that my body actually rejected. I realized this way later in life, but whenever my former partner and I were intimate, I always ended up with an infection. This was literally my body’s way of telling me to set a boundary with this person, that it didn’t want me to pursue any more physical contact with them. I ignored it for years, pushing it aside because I was receiving attention, which mattered more than protecting my body and my peace. I have also been in situations where I regretted hooking up with someone, and the encounter itself made me feel small. I used to think because of how I looked [ooo she thicc], I needed to take whatever I could get wherever I could get it, which in truth, just made me feel worse about myself.
I am finally at a point where I must be 100% in love with myself. Every piece of me. Not just my beautiful body but my beautiful brain and my incredible soul (I tried to skip the Jesse McCartney reference on that one). My wholeness is my kingdom; I’m learning about the boundaries and setting my limits. I am learning daily how to bring harmony within myself to be a sovereign being in this world. That means understanding that my thoughts, feelings, and spiritual qualities are all forms of energy. If sex can evoke specific thoughts, feelings, and a connection to the Divine, I must stand in my sovereignty so that the experience is sacred and a powerful manifestation of energy.
Sexual sovereignty and today’s sexual awakening
From the time we are young, we are fed so much shit about sex. In different religions, we are told to wait until we are married. We are shamed if we have sex “too young” or with “too many partners.” Young women don’t talk about masturbation and self-pleasure, while young men openly talk about it and give each other high fives.
It’s as if we’re saying because women’s sexual parts are more internal than men’s, we have to keep all talk about it internal, too.
Part of standing in your sexual sovereignty is talking about sexual wellness. How can you know you’re having healthy sex without discussing it with someone? How do you feel safe in your sexual identity if you don’t talk about it? Talking about this stuff is essential, particularly where you feel safe to discuss it, and the truth is, not a lot of people feel that they have safe havens to discuss.
We are in an incredible sexual awakening right now. Sex work is becoming well-known and more respectable, relationship structures are becoming more diverse, and the fight for reproductive rights is LOUD. This is the time to step into your most authentic you.
Get to know your body through self-pleasure and with partners. Set limitations and get to know your boundaries. Talk about sex with your friends. Shit, talk about sex with me! Reach out any time.
Most importantly, learn to be the king or queen of your soul’s kingdom and rule from the inside out. Everything that feels good and brings you peace, happiness, and energy is right for you. This is how you can dictate your world from the inside out.