settling inn ... to motherhood
so I had a baby. my birthing experience & positive induction story. what i've learned so far.
So… I Had a Baby…
On November 14, 2024, at 10:36 AM, I became a mother.
No one tells you how lost you feel the second they move you into a room to recover with your baby. I had a nurse come in and pretty much shame me for letting almost two hours pass without feeding my son. I hadn’t even realized so much time had escaped us because most of that time was spent in the delivery room waiting for a room on the maternity floor to open up, and the other part was spent getting me cleaned up because I, like, just gave birth.
Then, that same nurse made me feel guilty for not producing enough colostrum or milk to keep his blood sugar up within the first few hours, so I had to switch to formula on his very first day of life. I’ve never done this before, for crying out loud! Can ya give a girl a break!?
I didn’t know to ask about these things, so no one told me. Or if someone did tell me, I was too busy dealing with an array of feelings from overwhelm to exhaustion to bliss. They don’t tell you a lot of things, so your first few weeks are just filled with Google searches such as, “How long do newborns sleep every day,” “How many poops are normal for a 2-week-old", “When can I introduce a pacifier to my newborn", “what’s the difference between a ‘heh heh heh’ cry and a ‘neh neh’ cry” (apparently “heh” means they are sitting in a dirty diaper or they peed through their jammies, and the “neh” cry means they are ready to eat and pissed off that you haven’t offered them something yet.)
There’s a huge learning curve with your first baby. Sometimes, I wish I was on baby #2 so I would already be a professional at this, but I still have to learn from baby #1 as he grows. Even though I wish we were a few months into this process, I also bawl whenever I think about him growing up. He’s already grown a full inch since we brought him home three weeks ago, and it makes me so sad that time is flying. I now understand why parents post “I can’t believe you are x years old” about their kids on Facebook. Time moves quickly when you have a little human.
That’s why everyone tells you to savor these moments - they disappear in the blink of an eye.
It seems like yesterday I was in the hospital, still pregnant, counting down the hours until I could meet my baby. Would he come out crying? What would he look like? Most importantly, what would his astrology look like? Would he join us under the Taurus moon on November 14th?
The only thing I didn’t really think about was birth itself.
To be honest, I spent most of my pregnancy worried about everything BUT delivery. I had written the most perfect birth plan —
let baby come naturally when he is ready
unmedicated birth with interventions only if medically necessary
NO FOLEY BALLOON, NO PITOCIN, NO BREAKING MY WATER / NO INDUCTION
freedom of movement
ability to labor in any position I wanted
food and drink are permitted
skin-to-skin immediately
delayed cord clamping, cut by partner
minimal staff in room, no students
calming music & dim lighting
Although these were requests I really wanted and the situation I had dreamt about for years, I constantly reminded myself that I needed to be open to change, even if it meant my natural birth required to shift into a c-section. I created an affirmation for myself that I repeated almost daily, “I surrender control and accept changes to my plan as long as it is beneficial to both baby and myself.”
But you know what? I had to make some major adjustments to my plan.
I went in for my 36-week OB appointment and could barely walk. I was in so much pain from carrying my “above the 97th percentile” baby that it hurt to even form thoughts. That morning alone, I had peed myself on the way to the bathroom because it felt like my legs had completely disconnected from my pelvis; I was clutching every surface and taking the tiniest steps to get me across the bedroom.
At the appointment, my OB recommended an induction at 39 weeks with the intention that it would save me from giving birth to a 12-lb baby. Without hesitation, I said, “Let’s do it.”
I left that appointment with a prescription for a muscle relaxer and an induction date of November 13th.
After a couple of days on the muscle relaxer, I felt so much better and began questioning my decision to get the induction. I was haunted by social media posts about how awful inductions can be — once you introduce this intervention, it becomes intervention after intervention after intervention. Many end up in emergency cesareans, which I knew I did not want but would accept if it came down to it… it just terrified me.
I had a preconceived notion that inductions were scary and my brain wanted me to get out of it. When I asked the CRNP at my doctor’s office if I could cancel my appointment, she basically said I’d likely lose medical status (the VIP of the inductions), if the baby didn’t come naturally, I would have to schedule an induction for 41 weeks, and by then, he might be too big to deliver vaginally.
Up to that point, I had been drinking all the raspberry leaf tea, curb walking, eating spicy foods, and doing the miles circuit to induce labor naturally, and I still wasn’t even one cm dilated. I was pretty much just huge and uncomfortable. I knew my body was ready, so I opted to proceed with the induction and let my birth plan change in whatever way it needed - even if it meant interventions leading up to an epidural and/or C-section.
Joe and I welcomed Santino James into the world after hours of labor. Although the delivery was quick, the labor had started almost 24 hours earlier. Overall, it was an experience I wouldn’t trade for the world.
My Birth Experience
I arrived for my induction on November 13th around 11 AM to find the registration area extremely packed with only one person working the desk. The rooms were backed up and it was taking a while to get people into labor and delivery.
Joe and I joked about November being a very popular month to give birth with all of the Valentine’s Day babies coming into the world.
A few couples came in for an elective induction and were turned away because it was so busy. Since I was the only medical induction, I had celeb status. Even though I had to wait for a bit, they were at least expecting my arrival and getting a room ready for me.
We first went to the unit that specialized in inductions to get a cervical check and determine what intervention needed to happen based on my dilation.
The nurse informed me of the different interventions they might take - the Foley Balloon (ugh) and a suppository to ripen the cervix were the top recommendations. She noted that this process could take HOURS. This was already not what I had wanted as part of my birth plan, but I said, “Bring it on.”
The doctor proceeded with the check, and no sooner had she told me, “You’re not even a centimeter dilated—” her face changed, and I saw the surprise in her eyes.
“Actually,” she said. “You just opened up to about 1 cm, and you’re about 70 effaced."
If you don’t know what any of this means, it’s basically how thin and short your cervix lining is and how wide it is opening up to prepare for labor. My numbers were in the very early stages, but they were definitely an improvement from my last cervical check.
Impressed by this quick development, she suggested skipping the suppository, trying the Foley Balloon for an hour, and then seeing where I was. I needed to be 3cm dilated to go to Labor & Delivery (L&D) to get the process started.
When she returned an hour later, the Folley Balloon popped right out, indicating that I was 3 cm dilated.
She asked if it hurt, and to my surprise, it didn’t. It felt like a very mild cramp. This gave me the confidence to believe that if I could handle this, I could probably still handle an unmedicated birth, even with the induction.
When I got to L&D, they reviewed my birth plan with me one more time. I insisted that I wanted to go unmedicated with nitrous oxide as my primary choice to help me through contractions and the epidural as a last resort.
They began the Pitocin almost right away.
Just so you know, Pitocin starts the labor process. The reason people don’t love it is because as the dose increases, so does the frequency and intensity of your contractions. It is also an intervention that can lead to a fetal heart rate drop if the process doesn’t move quickly enough, hence why interventions like this tend to end in c-sections.
I was feeling contractions, but the first round wasn’t so bad. Around 3 pm, they checked my cervix again and - with the help of the Pitocin - I was 4 cm dilated and 50 effaced. Baby had also moved down the birth canal and was stationed at about a -3, which means his head was above the pelvis. We were moving and grooving.
Joe and I walked a few laps around the unit so I could try to dilate more.
I ordered some juice and broth to eat because you’re only allowed liquids once you’re in labor mode. Part of my birth plan was that I got to eat the snacks I brought, but good thing I didn’t because I was not in the mood to eat just a few hours later.
The doula I worked with through the hospital checked in a couple of times to determine when to send the doula on call in, but at this point, I felt I could do it myself. I didn’t need a doula! I had this!
“Are you sure?” She asked one more time.
Maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe “future me” took over, but I guess I changed my mind and said, “No. Send her in.”
While waiting for her to arrive, a doctor came in around 9 pm to check my cervix again.
“5 cm dilated, and 60 effaced.”
Since I was making progress, she asked if I was ready to have my water broken. Remember, this was another intervention that I feared, but without my doula, someone to advocate for my decisions or tell the doctor to wait, I wasn’t sure how to answer, so I just said “yes.”
Once my water broke, they upped the Pitocin. I started getting pretty uncomfortable. The contractions were really coming, and every time they occurred, I leaked so much amniotic fluid that you could probably mop the floor with it.
My doula arrived and between her and my L&D nurse, I started to feel more comfortable — even though I was beginning to experience more discomfort, I knew I had two people to coach me through my pain and to advocate for me the next time a doctor asked me to do something. I asked them to send in the nitrous oxide, and my doula massaged me through each wave of contractions.
They upped the Pitocin again.
Contractions were happening much more frequently. A doctor came to check on me at 2 am and I was 70 effaced but still only 5 cm dilated. Still not ready to give birth.
I started hearing blood-curdling screams. I wasn’t sure if it was something on TV (we had brought our Apple TV and it was running through random shows) or if it was someone in the hospital, so I asked my nurse and doula and they said it was the woman next to me having an unmedicated birth.
I couldn’t form many thoughts because the contractions were even closer now, but I remember thinking, “Will I be in that much pain when I give birth unmedicated?”
I could be wrong, but I think they upped the Pitocin again. I kept trying to relax because I knew I needed to, but I was getting grumpier by the minute. At this point, I was experiencing a pain sensation unlike any other. It was like menstrual cramps but stronger, waving through my pelvis into my stomach. I was covered in cold sweat. I felt like I was going to puke. I had an overwhelming feeling that I was going to have an accident in the bed because there was so much pressure in my lower half.
Surely I was ready to give birth.
It was now 6 am, and a doctor came in for a cervical check. I was praying to be way more dilated. The pain I was experiencing HAD to have meant I was at an 8 or 9. She asked if I was ready for the check and, wincing, I aggressively said “NO.”
“No?!” everyone asked. Perhaps no one has ever been so quick to deny an important check, but with the contractions I was having, the last thing I wanted was more pressure.
I apologized and said I needed a second. After a deep breath where I told myself it would only hurt for a minute, I gave her the go-ahead.
90 effaced and baby stationed at -2… but still only 5 cm dilated.
By this time, I had had enough. The contractions were building. The pressure was becoming unbearable. I hadn’t used the nitrous oxide in hours because it was doing absolutely nothing for me.
They were about to administer more Pitocin when I cried out, “I want the epidural now!”
It seems my birth was going to be intervention after intervention, after all.
Even though I was throwing away my birth plan, I still felt like I was in the safest hands. The attention my L&D nurse and my doula gave to me was unmatched. They quickly got an anesthesiologist in there who put in my epidural in between contractions. I literally had to hold on to Joe to keep myself from wincing so that she could get the placement just right.
I felt immediate relief after she administered the first dose. She told me something about pressing the button to administer more on my own, but I was too tired to pay attention. I fell asleep almost right away.
When I woke up, it was about 9 am. Joe had stepped out for some coffee, I had a new L&D nurse, and my doula was taking notes and watching my monitor. I had had doctors in and out all night, but I was so grateful when the next doctor to knock on my door was my OB.
He asked how I was feeling - and I wasn’t lying when I said I felt great. The rest was much needed, and the epidural took away all discomfort that I had experienced up to that moment
Since I had the epidural, he thought I might not be feeling contractions, so he informed me that they would hook me and the baby up to an internal monitor that would show them when I was contracting while keeping an eye on the baby’s vitals and movements.
He was about to get it set up, when my doula looked at the current monitor and said, “Why don’t you wait until Joe gets back from his coffee run?”
“Oh yeah… sure.” I said. Since she was my advocate and also since she’s seen plenty of births, I trusted that my doula knew what she was talking about.
We all agreed that waiting for Joe was best, and my OB said he’d check back in a few. After we were all in the room, he informed Joe about everything he had already told me.
“Let me just do one last cervical check before we get you and the baby all hooked up,” he said.
No sooner did he put his fingers in that he pulled them back out, saying, “Well, actually, we won’t need to be doing any of that. You’re completely effaced, 10 cm dilated, and your baby’s head is right there.”
“Really!?” I asked. I was in disbelief, partly because I had been at 5 cm dilated for so long I was expecting to be there still, and partly because I was so pain-free I would not have known that the baby was stationed so low.
“Yeah,” He said. And then,
“Are you ready to push?”
As he went to collect some delivery nurses and the newborn provider, my doula told me she knew by looking at the baby’s heart rate on the monitor that baby was getting ready to come out. She wanted me to wait for Joe so that we could find out together.
She encouraged us to have a moment of just the two of us and stepped out of the room.
I held his hand and thanked him for allowing me to carry his child and be a mother to our baby. I thanked him for the journey so far. I thanked baby for choosing us to be his parents and for picking my womb to grow in. We shed a few tears before everyone came back into the room.
I still got to have parts of my birth plan - they dimmed the lights for me and let me put on my birthing playlist, something I curated for months leading up to birth with meditation, mantras, and high-frequency music. One of the nurses and my doula even commented on how peaceful it felt in the room.
Even though I had gotten the epidural, I could still feel minor contractions without the pain and discomfort, which allowed us to begin pushing.
I pushed for a total of 10 minutes, ~2 minutes if you take out pausing in between contractions. I felt the pressure but no pain, and then, with a gratitude mantra in the background, the most beautiful baby boy entered the world.
Joe and I both cried as they laid the screaming infant on my stomach.
“9lbs 1oz,” they told me. My OB joked that if I had waited any longer, he really would’ve been a 12-lb baby.
My son was beautifully developed, with a full face and eyes already trying to open wide. The baby I spent 39 weeks growing and nurturing was finally here, and he was perfect.
I know birth can be traumatic for many women. I know that interventions alone have made women hate birth and never want to do it again.
I feel so lucky to have had the experience, the doula, and the nurses I did, and to have had a great OB. I am grateful for my resilience and openness to pivoting away from the plan and for listening to my intuition and body. I am blessed to have had my parents with me in spirit as I wore my mom’s favorite ring throughout the process.
I realize some parts may not have seemed positive; however, there will always be parts of birth that are uncomfortable. The experience is what it is and also what you make of it. I just wanted to share my story to remind moms-to-be that it doesn’t have to be scary.
I do not have any advice to offer other than to be open to a change in direction and to advocate for yourself, or at the very least, have someone in the room who can advocate for you.
As crazy as it sounds, I wouldn’t trade my birth experience for the world — I learned what works for me (at least this time around), I got to try going unmedicated for as long as possible, I was given just enough epidural to relax and still move my legs but not feel the pain of birth (or my second-degree tear), and it brought me the most amazing human being.
Thank you for letting me share my intro to motherhood with you. My whole world has rapidly changed, and I suspect there will be a lot of mom musings soon.
Just For Fun: My Birth Playlist
For moms and moms-to-be about to give birth. I hope you find this playlist calming and encouraging as you push your baby into this world.
Fun fact: my doula even asked for the link to this playlist so she could share it with other patients.