Get Comfy with Being "Uncomfy"
Get Comfy with Being "Uncomfy"
How overcoming my fear of the uncomfortable lead me to Tulum, Mexico, and the unearthing of who I am meant to be.
It’s been a while since my last detailed email. I had every intention of mass-producing posts before I went to Mexico (over three weeks ago); I even brought my laptop on my trip to get some posts written and scheduled. I wound up not touching it. Not even in the airport.
In February, I signed up for a yoga retreat to Tulum, Mexico, with The Well Studio. My life coach Marissa owns the studio, and how she spoke about the sacredness and sweetness of her trips to Tulum inspired me to want to go, too.
I was still working for the marketing agency at the time, but I had this piece of me that subconsciously knew my time there would be done before October.
As I booked the trip, I remember thinking, “I’m going to be working for myself by then, so I won’t have to take time off of work!” and then questioning if that would be the case, seeing as I backed out of quitting my 9-5 so many times before.
However, it happened; although I was working for myself by the time this trip rolled around, something was still holding me back.
Fear had taken over. I wasn’t sure I “wanted” to go on this trip.
The recurring theme for me was that I was anxious about traveling to another country for the first time and about the group I was going with. Since The Well Studio is located in Philadelphia and me in Pittsburgh (300-some miles away for those of you keeping track at home), I was getting nervous about traveling with a group of people I didn’t quite know.
Still, I felt called to go, and I tried working through a few things with my therapist a few days before I left. Even up to the morning I headed to the airport, I tried to find every excuse in the book not to go, “Is this sniffle COVID?” “Did I overbook and have a prior conflict this week where I can’t let someone down?”
I couldn’t move past the fact that I was doing this “alone” in my mind. I knew one person and only knew of a few others, but I didn’t know who I was rooming with and who I would meet up with when I got to the Cancun airport. Would I make any friends at all?
When I originally planned to go, I was beginning this journey of learning who I was. Throughout the year, I noticed myself starting to socialize a lot more and give a lot of my time to other people, but I was ignoring the fact that I was left feeling drained and unmotivated. If you’ve been keeping up with me, you already know I took a step back and started slowing down for this fall season. I’d started to feel like a quieter version of myself which made the negative self-talk creep back in.
“You’re going to come off shy.”
”People won’t like you if you can’t relate.”
”You’ll seem off-putting.”
I got uncomfortable with myself. I second-guessed who I was and where I was on my path. The old habit of self-doubt was starting to rear its ugly head.
But because I’ve practiced understanding my inner critic, I was prepared to listen to it and understand where my fear came from. The discomfort I felt was from an old version of me that used socialization, more likeability, as my primary means of survival.
I needed to be liked, or else I’d be alone - feeling sad and left out, which were feelings I hated to sit with. This was an old trauma response that I had been all too familiar with in childhood, so many of my teenage to early adult years were spent doing everything I could to avoid it. I would exert so much energy “performing” for other people. Here’s the thing, I love being the life of the party and sharing stories that connect with other people, but I forced a lot of it for the sake of first impressions. I prefer to come out of my shell on my terms, but what if my quietness makes people dislike me and not want to spend time with me again? Then they’ll never know my brighter personality! This was how I survived for so long, and I wondered why my social battery was always extremely low after gatherings where I didn’t know many people.
The light didn’t switch until I was in my first yoga class in Tulum when my coach Marissa welcomed us and asked us to set intentions for the week.
What are you here for?
I had been asking myself this for weeks, but I wrote seamlessly when I got to this magical space, a shala with a palapa ceiling that overlooked the Caribbean Sea.
Clarity.
Inspiration to meet myself where I’m at and where I’m going.
Make connections with people open to the experience.
Move my body in a way that feels GOOD.
What do you need from this week?
To remind myself who I am so deeply and to TRUST my divine plan.
How will you support you?
TRUST my intuition. Only do what I feel called to do. Rest. Drink water. Be in the sea. Learn from the sea. Cleanse yourself in the sea. Journal.
It all made sense and presented itself vividly once I got on my mat.
I had just spent over a year dealing with my trauma and, from that, building up two beautiful, healthy relationships: one with myself and one with the divine. I realized that *I* wholeheartedly liked who I was and strongly believed in the person I was becoming. I’ve done higher self-visualizations in the past and have been rendered speechless by the woman I met. She was always unapologetically herself, and in turn, she was genuinely free to live her beautiful, long life in her unique way.
I discovered that this trip was never about making friends. It was always about me. Every version of me. It was a memorial to the girl that was always so focused on people pleasing that she was too scared to put herself first. It was meant to thank the part of me that got me to this point, say goodbye to my old journey, and embark on this new one filled with resilience, wonder, and purpose.
Once I realized this, I didn’t feel the need to perform on this trip, and guess what? I never once felt lonely. I made natural connections. I always had someone to sit with on the beach, to walk to class with, to practice beside at yoga, and to share meals with. I listened more than I spoke which felt oddly rejuvenating. It felt good to hear other people’s stories and not feel the need to search for feedback to give them.
I got to soak it all in.
I had some other sacred moments of clarity that I’ll recap later, but this trip to Tulum was incredibly eye-opening. I experienced my first major spiritual awakening that I’m literally going to a workshop to finally work through tonight. As I cleansed in the sea after a euphoric breathwork session, I had this crazy actualization, the moment where I met myself where I was and where I was going:
I came here expecting to find a past version of myself but instead unearthed a new version of myself with limitless potential waiting to be realized.
The “past me” brought me so far in this life. She believed in this future version of me so much that she chose to survive through some of the darkest days in ways that felt safe and comfortable for her, and sometimes that meant trying to be well-liked and avoiding situations that made her feel uneasy.
I determined that feeling uncomfortable when facing an unfamiliar event is ridiculously normal human behavior. We CRAVE safety. It is one of our most basic evolutionary needs. Doing something outside our comfort zone feels extremely risky! But I want you to know, more often than not, those boundary-breaking events are absolutely meant to be a pivotal part of your journey.
There’s a reason why you’re grappling with it. It’s because you want it, and your intuition is telling you it is yours, but at one point, someone or something convinced you that you couldn’t (or shouldn’t) have it. We always second-guess the things that are good for us! You are the master of yourself, so no decision you make for yourself is right or wrong. It’s what you feel you need. Honor it.
And when it gets uncomfy, be still and get comfortable in the uneasiness! The answer will always present itself when you are genuinely listening.
Trust your intuition, do what you feel called to, meet yourself where you’re at and let the uncomfortable guide you where you’re going.
All my love,
Adele
Journaling Exercise
This wouldn’t be Settling Inn if I didn’t leave you with a quick journaling exercise!
What do you need right now in this moment?
What are the feelings of discomfort that are arising around this area?
What are you willing and ready to release?
What are you ready to do more of?
In what areas do you need support? How will you support yourself?
What is your soul saying you need in order to begin?